I finished praying the stations of the cross by Pope John Paul II (Good Friday year 1991), as shown in the usscb site. After reading some of the Bible verses, I realized something.

Jesus at Gethsemane, at the face of certain death, he wanted the “cup” to pass, the death on the cross, it seems to me that he wanted to not go through that, if and only if it was His Father’s will. He asked for something that wasn’t in the Father’s plan. He asked for something and it was not given. He didn’t want to die on the cross and to go through that, but if God the Father still allowed that to happen, Jesus, the Son of God, is willing to sacrifice Himself. He is going to obey God till the end.

I want to follow Jesus’ example. That’s why being a Christian is kinda hard to do in real life. I mean with the words “love your enemies” 3 words that are very very very difficult to follow in my opinion. Then to have suffering, and to accept it, because you know God allowed it to happen because it is good for your soul. There are lots of things that I want to talk about the perspective of Catholic saints. There are a lot of things that people misunderstand about Jesus’ teachings. Maybe I will make a series of posts on it.

Back to Jesus at Gethsemane. He said, the flesh is weak even when the spirit is willing. I know a lot of things about God, His Commandments, His Sacraments, but I am still weak. I am nothing without God. I have to come to terms with that. I know I can achieve anything that I can think of, but it seems God wants to really save my soul. He showed me how to be humble and to surrender to Him.

I realized one night before going to sleep, what is the most important thing for me to achieve here on earth? It was not to have lots of awards or lots of money, I realized all I wanted is for me, my mom and my brother to be with my father in heaven for all eternity with God. That’s all I want. All other things I am going to achieve here on earth is secondary.

I don’t know how to even do that, they don’t listen to me lolz. Most families don’t have that kind of high esteem for their own daughter or sister so I don’t expect them to believe in everything I have to say. Especially thoughts or explanations coming from someone who had 2 nervous breakdowns. So, I would pray. That’s what I can do at this time. Pray and write. 🙂

When you know God is real and you know nothing compares to Him and that you choose to be with Him, to be resurrected at the end of time and to live a life with Him for all eternity, then all things here pale in comparison. However, even if I know these things, I just can’t help but sometimes be caught up in the chase for money, for a convenient life. I sometimes fell back to the way I was before realizing these things.

I remember that passage in the Bible where Jesus wept when Lazarus died. In my thoughts, why would He cry, He knew He can bring him back to life, right? Maybe Jesus got caught up in his emotions? I don’t know, but for me it showed, He is human. He knows how it feels to be sad, angry, and happy. Back in Gethsemane, He wanted to let the crucifixion, the suffering to passed by, but it was not God’s will, He accepted the suffering and obeyed till the end.

I pray for things, but I want to follow what the will of God is in my life. I don’t know what God’s will is for me, but I know He wants me to be Holy. All of us are called to be Holy coz only Holy people go to Heaven. I don’t feel the calling to be a nun. So, I’m not going down that road. Most people when you’re passionate about God, you will have to be a nun. Why can’t I be single, be happy, be in the world but not of the world? Be whatever I want to be, just as long as I follow God’s commandments?

When I look at all the people around me, all I wish for them is to know that God is real, Jesus is real and He wants to be with them. I see people busy with their lives trying to earn their income so they feed their family, I see people busy with trying to please people around them with their high status in life, I see people who are not happy with where they are and keep on trying to achieve more. I see all these people who I think have empty lives. They strive for things and then one day they die, what was all those things for? Just like what we can read at Ecclesiastes 2:11. Now, I also understand why Jesus said to store treasures in Heaven than treasures on earth.

The only thing that matters are the 10 Commandments that Jesus distilled to 2. Love God above all else. Love your neighbor as yourself.

So, love God, love yourself and your neighbor.

Love God above all else. I don’t see that in the lives of people around me. They love other things. They go to Church, but I don’t see in them the Love for God. How can you say you love God when you won’t even research about His Church? About why there are things prohibited by the Church? They just want to do it their way, they don’t want what God wants. They love themselves first before God. If they love God, those people who had surrogate pregnancies wouldn’t have done that. It is immoral.

Well, I can’t pretend that I’m better than those people. Well, I never said I was perfect. I am a follower of Christ. I am imperfect but trying so hard to follow and keep His commandments because I love Him. I sometimes forget that I want to put God first in my life. Actually, money has my heart, and I badly want to give my heart to God and so I understand a little why I have to tithe. I’m giving my heart to God that way.

Please Lord, help me to always remember to put You first in my life.

Putting God first is difficult, but it is possible. The Christian Life, the Catholic Life is very difficult. I mean following Jesus is very difficult especially in this world where there are people who will persecute you for saying to them they are wrong, what they’re doing is wrong. It’s like you have to explain to them why they are wrong, why it is immoral, what is morality, why there’s objective truth, why we are right.

The only thing I can think of for people to really live meaningful lives is for them to know that God is real. He came down from Heaven to die for our sins and He knows how it is to be human. And He is also with us till the end of time as the Blessed Sacrament. There are lots of things I want to write about these things and I think I will write more in the following days.

Thank you for reading.